Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
