you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
