Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
