wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
