I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
