you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
