You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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