Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
