shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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