i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
