Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
