Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
