Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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