that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize