No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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