Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
