I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Randomize
