4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
