My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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