She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
