so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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