Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
