the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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