Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
