Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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