I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ketchup is God's man juice
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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