You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize