Just cropdusted the office
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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