i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
