y did u give ur computer a hand job?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
