remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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