I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
