So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
