So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
