if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
