Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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