i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
