D3 body, D1 cock
Porn is love you can see.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
