the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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