She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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