Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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