fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
