I want to walk on stilts...naked
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize