one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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