Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
