We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
