The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
