we have pet lesbian snakes
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
