you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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