All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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