Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
