Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
