i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize