Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
