Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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