Who wears a wallet chain?!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize