I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
