Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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