using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
