Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize