One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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