I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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