What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
