definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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