life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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