i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dicks are not precious.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
