pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
