I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
