Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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