No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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