Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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